In a world where we put a high value on “more is better”, like a Supersize drink at McDonalds when a regular size will do, COVID took this over indulgent, over scheduled, human being out of commission. What happens when you take the “over” out of anything?
You realize that you have enough, you do enough, and you are enough!
A year ago, the holidays would hit and I would preplan everything - shop early, prepare Christmas cards in November, and over schedule social events on the calendar for December. The secret underlying motive is, 'if I planned everything out, then nothing would be forgotten and therefore a happy holiday was guaranteed'. The silent moving undercurrent was that I could do more, on top of more, on top of more. The seal of approval for a happy holiday was wrapped up in the false notion that “more is better.”
COVID Christmas left me with a lot of loose ends. The pantry shelf which used to house planning, scheduling, socializing, shopping and overdoing, was left bare, Inadequacies, insecurities, and pains of not feeling like there is “enough” began to take root. ALL my crutches to over-compensate and over-do were minimized and I was left with just my own peculiar self.
Anger, frustration, discontentment, were only a few holiday joys I felt…………..until I didn’t.
I’m not sure exactly when, how, or even why it happened, but there was just s shift. I moved into acceptance of COVID, the holidays, and the changes that it required. I realized that I didn’t need to go out to be entertained. A game of cards with my husband and a few adult kids was enough. A dinner here and there with a few close friends felt like an anticipated luxury. The beauty was in the simple. The simple meals, the simple gatherings, the simple day to day “to-do” lists.
On Christmas day, our youngest daughter said that her present to our family of six was “an experience”. She cleared the living room, spread blankets everywhere, dotted them with our favorite treats and created a movie room. The Christmas Story projected onto a sheet taped to the wall. At the tender age of 18, our daughter already knew the truth that “more is NOT better.”
My COVID silver lining is that I did not realize that I lived in a world of “enough” already. IT was just waiting for me to discover it.
- Ginny D.